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04 "Mac 'n' Cheese"

There are things that happen to you that can be defeating, things that can tear apart your soul with no hope of stitching back together. And then there are things that cannot be fully explained no matter how hard you try. And one of those things happened to me earlier today.
    It was my day off. It had been a long week so I decided to hang out at my house alone. It was a day where I could get lost in pure lazy bliss and I was loving every second of it. My favorite show was on NextFlix so I decided to binge watch the first season. It was about this guy who goes to space and gets sucked into this time vortex, so now he wakes up in a different year every week.
    But as the seventh episode was nearing its end, my stomach started to growl. I looked over to my phone. I had been watching TV for five straight hours. I knew I needed to stretch a bit, so I stood from my couch with a groan and went to my kitchen.
    I looked around my kitchen. What was I hungry for? I scanned through my cabinets until I came across a box of macaroni and cheese. I grabbed it, looked the box over and shrugged. I hadn't had it in a while, so why not?
    I grabbed a pot, ripped the box open and dumped the shells inside. I removed the sauce packets and filled the pot with some water. I set it on the stove and let it boil for a bit. As I waited, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through some videos. Nothing makes time pass by quite like feeling my brain slowly leaking out of my ears.
    But before I knew it the water was ready. I stirred the noodles until they seemed nice and cooked. But as the shells started to plump up a bit, I heard a high-pitch squealing noise coming from somewhere nearby. Was it coming from the pot? I moved my head closer, listening close. To my horror, it sounded like something in the water was screaming out in pain. I shrugged it off as the sound of the water boiling. I turned the stove off, hoping the sound would stop. But it only grew louder.
    What the hell was happening?
    I started freaking out a little as I backed away from the pot as it continued screaming out at me. Maybe this was the wrong pot to be cooking this in? It was odd, as I had cooked plenty of stuff in here. Either way, I grabbed my strainer and dumped the shells inside, letting the rest of the water drain. Surely this would stop the sound, right?
    I nearly dropped everything all over myself when the screaming only got louder and louder. It was even clearer now that the water was gone. To my horror, I knew exactly where the sound was coming from. The shells that I had been cooking were now screaming at the top of their lungs.
    Since when could food feel pain?!
    I had no idea what to do from there. Do I call somebody? Do I throw it out? What if someone else hears the screams and calls the cops or something? I had to think fast. And my first instinct, for some reason, was to return them to the pot they were being cooked in and dump the cheese in there.
    As I grabbed the cheese and raised it over the pot, all the macaroni screamed out in unison, "No! Not the cheese! We are allergic to the cheese!"
    I didn't know whether to laugh or roll my eyes. How in the hell could food be allergic to other food? But then again, how can my food be talking right now?
    I decided to ignore their pleas and dumped the cheese in there. As I did, the screaming intensified ten-fold. I saw some popping, heard bits of tiny explosions happening within the pot. Was this what happened when food has an allergic reaction to itself? I couldn't believe what I was seeing. You might think my reactions to this were a bit off kilter, as I could do nothing but stand and watch this bizarre phenomenon unfold, but what else could I do? Call the police?
    The only thing I could do was stand by and watch a food massacre unfold in my kitchen.

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