365 Short Horrors

     I stepped out of the bathroom and shook off the harshness that had come over me. Had that actually happened? It felt so real but at the same time it felt like walking through a dream. Or rather, a nightmare.     I took my place back at the table and saw the worried look on my parents faces. They asked me if everything was okay and I nodded. I stared down at my plate and saw the heaping pile of spaghetti before me. It looked so intimidating and I wanted to push it away, to tell my parents I was full just to avoid taking another bite. But the smell of it was wonderful. It reminded me of childhood, something my mom made all the time that I would scarf down while watching cartoons in the evening. Back in the day before I cared what I looked like. When I only cared about being happy in my own skin without a care in the world.     I still vaguely remember the conversation I had with myself in the bathroom. It told me that none of this was worth it. That...

This part 2 of 3 dives deeper into the eating disorder, specifically going into detail of just how daunting of a task recovery actually is. If you’re sensitive to this kind of thing, be careful reading this part of the story. * * *  The road to recovery was a bit shakier than I was expecting. It's weird how you can sit in the moment of feeling motivated to make a change for the better in your life, but once you actually step up to it you start to realize how real it actually is.     Just yesterday I felt that burning in my chest that I wanted to do this for myself, for that little girl who was bullied by some dumb kids, for the younger me who went too far in trying to impress people. The motivation for it started a burning flame in my chest but now it feels like that fire is actively being extinguished by all the questions and thoughts swirling around my head. Is this what I really want? What if I don't like the food I'm going to eat? What if it makes me sick? But what if...

 Life is a tricky house, full of traps and pitfalls that can be just as easy to fall into as they are to avoid. But as you progress, you learn more about these holes in the ground as they lure you in with delectable wonders and promises of a future you'll surely achieve. And some of them you fall into by accident, the twisted punishment for not paying attention. Some pitfalls are easy to climb out of but others will see you on your way out, grip you tight, and force you back down... *** The dining room felt almost welcoming as I took a set. Before me was a plate that I'd delicately prepared for myself. Five apple slices and a small handful of almonds. To lot of people this might look like a light snack, but for me it was my second and final meal of the day. And judging by the sounds my stomach was making, it was time to devour. But I hesitated.     I'd planned to take my phone out and snap a picture to post online, much like I did for every meal. My followers needed somet...

 There are so many questions you ask about yourself when paranoia strikes. Am I a bad person? Can I trust my thoughts? I've made a mistake, that makes me an idiot, right? The bad days sweep in, stealing away an ounce of your sanity and it leads you to question everything about yourself. But what happens when those questions answer back?   * * *      Walking along the shore of a lake was supposed to be my version of a peaceful evening. It had been a stressful several months, ones that held late night fights and even sleeping in separate rooms from my partner. She was never fond of my late nights at work, but what choice did I have? I had to be the provider of our family. I was lucky enough to claim the office job I held, and longer hours only left more money in my wallet. But she didn't trust those late nights. She had it in her head that I might be cheating. The idea of cheating was something I never humored. Even had I the time for it, it didn't sound appealing...

 They say revenge is a dish best served cold. But if you want it to be truly memorable, sprinkle it with flavor, craft it with care, and deliver it in a way they'll cherish. Blind-side them with the idea that this dish, the one crafted with more love than they deserve, shall be the one that hurts them the most in the end when they slice their tongue with something you buried deep within, hidden amongst the finesse... * * *     I slammed the door behind me, quickly pressing my entire body weight against it as the racing footsteps from behind me drew nearer. My heart was pounding as my chest heaved. I struggled to catch my breath as I felt the heavy pounding of a fist against the door, giving my body a quick jolt forward. He was trying to force his way in.     My shaky hand fumbled for the door knob until I found the lock and turned it. I could hear him, my husband, screaming profanities at me as I struggled to keep my footing from the constant hard slamming again...

 Dissociation is often a defense mechanism. It acts as an escape for the brain when the body itself cannot. It can be increased stress, trauma, or something else entirely that can trigger it. Often times it's helpful to the person experiencing it. But when it's no longer necessary, you'll soon see why this coping skill is something rather important to unlearn...     I breathed an exhausted sigh as I sat down on the bench on the far wall of the subway station. The seat felt cold, almost making me question if I sat in something wet. But after the exhausting day I've had, I couldn't care less. The air smelled of cigarette smoke, body odor, and cheap cologne. The smell wasn't quite so pungent today. There are some days where the smell almost burns your eyes just to exist around.     As I waited for the train, my brain was about ready to check out for the day. There wasn't much to keep my brain occupied enough to keep me mentally intact. I could feel myself start...