Your mind can often be your own worst enemy. The longer you are left alone with it, the longer you want to be inside of it, where your thoughts never even escape your lips and make it out into the real world. You may end up finding yourself met with emotions that you no longer know how to convey the longer you're left alone with your thoughts. Until all you can do is mutter words to yourself and act psychotic.
Writing can sometimes draw inspiration from the darkest of times, others from joyous memories. But why can the memories never meet us in the moment, to savor them? Why is it so easy to think back at the good times than to stop and realize you're already living within them?
Sometimes, you might find yourself writing things directly from the mind, whispering words straight through you and onto the page, the only filter being the fingers clacking away at the keyboard. And, to be completely honest, writing is something I have been doing for a while now. Every day, in fact. It's why today I decided I want to step away from it for just a moment. I simply want to sit back and let my thoughts flow free rather than feel the pressure of writing something dark and holding a twist to its very end.
Stepping back from the flow of a story and stepping into the realm of the free flowing thoughts. You see, I have nearly reached the halfway point of the year of writing horror. So many good ones and plenty of bad ones, I've been met with so many thoughts rushing through my head, deadlines I need to meet by pressuring myself to do something creative and unique.
Sure, this story may seem like some kind of filler, to draw out lines on pages to fill a book, but I can promise you it is much more than that. I have introduced you to the stories, the worlds spinning through my mind. You have yet to meet the demons living in my head. You might see this as something I gloss over in the future, something I might never tough on again.
You see, as the days dragged on and I became more mentally exhausted, then returning home and pressured to write something I was only just beginning to lose interest in, today I sat down with an idea in mind, one I may write about tomorrow. This is the first time in the entire, nearly 170 stories that I have ever got to touch base on something personal, an 'Authors Note' if you will.
Now, what demons do I have lurking within my own mind? Simply one that is dead set on stealing away any sort of social abilities. Detracting me from being out with people and interacting. Instead, allowing anything I have to say be trapped within my own mind. I fear one day I will become so trapped within my own head that I may never find an escape. The door to my mind is becoming harder and harder to open.
I can see it now, a few years down the line I let the delusion sink in so deep that I end up hurting someone for the sake of something that only a twisted mind would get some kind of kick out of, strangling someone after creepily smiling at someone, completely still. The idea that doing things to scare or even hurt people could be amusing.
This is the outcome I fear that I may become and what I've been fighting against my entire life. I fear one day the demon will overcome me. Just take comfort in the fact that I would rather die than see someone getting hurt because I lost control. You can consider that the reason I remain calm in otherwise stressful situations. I feel that if I let it overcome me, the world could burn.
It's this fear that makes relationships a massive issue. I would rather just not exist at all than think of the possibility that I could get upset out of the blue and hurt the ones I hold dearest to me.
To anyone I've hurt in the past by being anti-social and distancing myself, I am truly sorry. I wish nothing more than to reach out and have people in my life. I just don't want to hurt anyone.
Writing can sometimes draw inspiration from the darkest of times, others from joyous memories. But why can the memories never meet us in the moment, to savor them? Why is it so easy to think back at the good times than to stop and realize you're already living within them?
Sometimes, you might find yourself writing things directly from the mind, whispering words straight through you and onto the page, the only filter being the fingers clacking away at the keyboard. And, to be completely honest, writing is something I have been doing for a while now. Every day, in fact. It's why today I decided I want to step away from it for just a moment. I simply want to sit back and let my thoughts flow free rather than feel the pressure of writing something dark and holding a twist to its very end.
Stepping back from the flow of a story and stepping into the realm of the free flowing thoughts. You see, I have nearly reached the halfway point of the year of writing horror. So many good ones and plenty of bad ones, I've been met with so many thoughts rushing through my head, deadlines I need to meet by pressuring myself to do something creative and unique.
Sure, this story may seem like some kind of filler, to draw out lines on pages to fill a book, but I can promise you it is much more than that. I have introduced you to the stories, the worlds spinning through my mind. You have yet to meet the demons living in my head. You might see this as something I gloss over in the future, something I might never tough on again.
You see, as the days dragged on and I became more mentally exhausted, then returning home and pressured to write something I was only just beginning to lose interest in, today I sat down with an idea in mind, one I may write about tomorrow. This is the first time in the entire, nearly 170 stories that I have ever got to touch base on something personal, an 'Authors Note' if you will.
Now, what demons do I have lurking within my own mind? Simply one that is dead set on stealing away any sort of social abilities. Detracting me from being out with people and interacting. Instead, allowing anything I have to say be trapped within my own mind. I fear one day I will become so trapped within my own head that I may never find an escape. The door to my mind is becoming harder and harder to open.
I can see it now, a few years down the line I let the delusion sink in so deep that I end up hurting someone for the sake of something that only a twisted mind would get some kind of kick out of, strangling someone after creepily smiling at someone, completely still. The idea that doing things to scare or even hurt people could be amusing.
This is the outcome I fear that I may become and what I've been fighting against my entire life. I fear one day the demon will overcome me. Just take comfort in the fact that I would rather die than see someone getting hurt because I lost control. You can consider that the reason I remain calm in otherwise stressful situations. I feel that if I let it overcome me, the world could burn.
It's this fear that makes relationships a massive issue. I would rather just not exist at all than think of the possibility that I could get upset out of the blue and hurt the ones I hold dearest to me.
To anyone I've hurt in the past by being anti-social and distancing myself, I am truly sorry. I wish nothing more than to reach out and have people in my life. I just don't want to hurt anyone.
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