Love is something based more upon perception than we realize. What we believe is love through our eyes may be a feeling completely different through the eyes of the person you towards. The other person could be faking love or not caring as much, while the other could love you too much to the point of obsession or they could simply not love you at all. No matter which way you look at it, love is a difficult thing to be reciprocated.
I'd been in the public eye for far longer than I would have liked. I went viral because of some video I posted on the internet with little to know meaning behind it and suddenly, everyone wanted to be a fan. It was a strange feeling but an good one all the same. At least that's what it started out as. But while you are seen to the public as a good person, if you don't keep that image up, people start suspecting that you might, in fact, be someone that's pure evil.
This is why there's a huge part of me I am choosing to keep as far away from the public eye as possible. You see, I have always been alone for a majority of my life. Never had anyone there to teach me anything. Nobody to lean on when things in life turn sour. Not even a single person to encourage me to follow my dreams or to tackle a challenge I'd had in front of me for longer than I can remember.
But the thing in my life that has anything to do with being alone is that, with being alone comes the choice of either wanting people in your life or wanting to be alone. I, unfortunately, decided to chase the unachievable and reach for finding friends. Besides, with me being kind of big, it wouldn't make much sense for me not to try to get more people in my life.
I'll never forget the day I had a girl reach out to me. Well, it was a dating app, so we kind of reached out to each other. This was before I became big.
She and I started talking about our common interests. She and I were both into the same kind of music and both truly enjoyed horror movies. There was something about the fear that made us both feel braver by facing it. As we talked further, we found that we, not only had so much in common, but we found that we could easily talk to each other for hours that fly by like seconds. Truly the greatest kind of chemistry that would bond together a perfect relationship.
We would later meet up for a date. We had decided on a movie and some food, then head to my place to spend the night under the stars. It was really set to be a perfect date. I was willing to go all out for her. After all, I'd never been with someone anywhere near as amazing as she was.
After the date I let slip out that I loved her. She was incredibly uncomfortable with what I had to say, yet never showed it. She tried brushing it off and pretending she didn't hear me say it. I still beat myself up about how quickly I fall for people.
But now, saying that I loved her wasn't anywhere near the worst part of our time together. Not too long after our dates, we would become more distant. The messages between us grew further and further apart until we were lucky to get a response from each other in the same few days. It was miserable.
I eventually decided I needed to step in to try to save our relationship. I knew doing something she'd never see coming would perceived as romantic and she'd fall for me just as she did before. So I did something that some might be incredibly frowned upon. I decided to look her up on different social media accounts. Doing this to find some friends and see if they could let me know what was going on with her. In the search, I came across some pictures of her that she'd taken recently but never told me about.
I found myself falling into a pit of rage. She was doing all of this stuff behind my back. How could she betray me like this? Who was that guy with his arm around her in that picture? I texted her, asking her about it in the dreaded long message form. I had far too much on my mind to simply ask the question. I drew everything into account. She'd stabbed me in the back.
We started to get into a heated argument. She claimed she didn't have to tell me what she was doing in her spare time, that I had no control over her. I brought up that we were still dating. That's when she hit me with the cruelest curveball of them all, we weren't even dating. I wanted so badly to go and strangle her. I wanted to say all these terrible things to make her feel bad.
I took a step back. Why was I like this? Why was I the kind of monster to obsess over someone so much that I would believe someone so perfect would fall for me? The more I thought about her the more I knew I needed her in my life. So, of course, the only solution to this issue was to see her every day. I'd keep track of and over hear where she'd be next and just so happen to be in that same place. I'd find myself watching her through her windows. I'd think about her day and night.
Of course, she caught onto what I was doing and left. Someone close to her let me know what was going on and threatened to hurt me if I tried following her again. So, as hard as it was for me to do, I left her behind.
Every once in a while I'd find myself being reminded of her. I'd look her up online to see how she's doing. But I don't go any further than that, I swear.
Oh hold on, I'm sorry to interrupt my story so suddenly. I'm afraid you'll have to be on your way. Oh, the sound coming from below us? My basement? No, everything is fine, it must just be the pipes creaking beneath us. This house is old, after all. I must go down there and try to get that noise to stop. Perhaps beat it a few times, that usually does the trick.
I'd been in the public eye for far longer than I would have liked. I went viral because of some video I posted on the internet with little to know meaning behind it and suddenly, everyone wanted to be a fan. It was a strange feeling but an good one all the same. At least that's what it started out as. But while you are seen to the public as a good person, if you don't keep that image up, people start suspecting that you might, in fact, be someone that's pure evil.
This is why there's a huge part of me I am choosing to keep as far away from the public eye as possible. You see, I have always been alone for a majority of my life. Never had anyone there to teach me anything. Nobody to lean on when things in life turn sour. Not even a single person to encourage me to follow my dreams or to tackle a challenge I'd had in front of me for longer than I can remember.
But the thing in my life that has anything to do with being alone is that, with being alone comes the choice of either wanting people in your life or wanting to be alone. I, unfortunately, decided to chase the unachievable and reach for finding friends. Besides, with me being kind of big, it wouldn't make much sense for me not to try to get more people in my life.
I'll never forget the day I had a girl reach out to me. Well, it was a dating app, so we kind of reached out to each other. This was before I became big.
She and I started talking about our common interests. She and I were both into the same kind of music and both truly enjoyed horror movies. There was something about the fear that made us both feel braver by facing it. As we talked further, we found that we, not only had so much in common, but we found that we could easily talk to each other for hours that fly by like seconds. Truly the greatest kind of chemistry that would bond together a perfect relationship.
We would later meet up for a date. We had decided on a movie and some food, then head to my place to spend the night under the stars. It was really set to be a perfect date. I was willing to go all out for her. After all, I'd never been with someone anywhere near as amazing as she was.
After the date I let slip out that I loved her. She was incredibly uncomfortable with what I had to say, yet never showed it. She tried brushing it off and pretending she didn't hear me say it. I still beat myself up about how quickly I fall for people.
But now, saying that I loved her wasn't anywhere near the worst part of our time together. Not too long after our dates, we would become more distant. The messages between us grew further and further apart until we were lucky to get a response from each other in the same few days. It was miserable.
I eventually decided I needed to step in to try to save our relationship. I knew doing something she'd never see coming would perceived as romantic and she'd fall for me just as she did before. So I did something that some might be incredibly frowned upon. I decided to look her up on different social media accounts. Doing this to find some friends and see if they could let me know what was going on with her. In the search, I came across some pictures of her that she'd taken recently but never told me about.
I found myself falling into a pit of rage. She was doing all of this stuff behind my back. How could she betray me like this? Who was that guy with his arm around her in that picture? I texted her, asking her about it in the dreaded long message form. I had far too much on my mind to simply ask the question. I drew everything into account. She'd stabbed me in the back.
We started to get into a heated argument. She claimed she didn't have to tell me what she was doing in her spare time, that I had no control over her. I brought up that we were still dating. That's when she hit me with the cruelest curveball of them all, we weren't even dating. I wanted so badly to go and strangle her. I wanted to say all these terrible things to make her feel bad.
I took a step back. Why was I like this? Why was I the kind of monster to obsess over someone so much that I would believe someone so perfect would fall for me? The more I thought about her the more I knew I needed her in my life. So, of course, the only solution to this issue was to see her every day. I'd keep track of and over hear where she'd be next and just so happen to be in that same place. I'd find myself watching her through her windows. I'd think about her day and night.
Of course, she caught onto what I was doing and left. Someone close to her let me know what was going on and threatened to hurt me if I tried following her again. So, as hard as it was for me to do, I left her behind.
Every once in a while I'd find myself being reminded of her. I'd look her up online to see how she's doing. But I don't go any further than that, I swear.
Oh hold on, I'm sorry to interrupt my story so suddenly. I'm afraid you'll have to be on your way. Oh, the sound coming from below us? My basement? No, everything is fine, it must just be the pipes creaking beneath us. This house is old, after all. I must go down there and try to get that noise to stop. Perhaps beat it a few times, that usually does the trick.
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